A Family to Love me

Jane threw away the Coca Cola can from which she was only pretending to drink and gave it an angry kick, making the contents spill on the pavement. How she hated the stuff! Yet being so close to school she had to be seen with the distinctive red can in her hand, it had been made the trademark which classified her as one of the tough Year 10 group of the local High School: the ones who prided themselves in getting trough their education with the least amount of work and the largest amount of trouble to teachers and other students.  After all they had to keep up with their image as the students who were different, the ones without real families; the kids from the FOSTER HOMES.

Jane smiled to herself as she looked at the can on the ground, she had to keep up the pretence; it was much better than trying to explain that finally she was one of the few lucky ones who was happy with her new family. First she would not have been believed and secondly, it could have stirred resentment towards her. This she wanted to avoid at all costs: she had had enough of it in her young life. What she would have loved at this moment, was a cup of black tea with two teaspoons of sugar and a slice of lemon.

The thought of the hot beverage for some unknown reason brought back memories of the time she had been introduced to the hot beverages. The times that she thought she had successfully put out of her mind since coming to Wattle-creek. But this was not to be it, in an instant all the unhappy memories of her life before she had been taken in by Sam and Mary Collins came back like a raging river dragging her down with its strong currents. In this force she had no hope of escaping the torturous visions and feelings that she wanted so much to escape and forget.

In the window of her mind, Jane saw herself propped up with pillows in sick bay holding the hot sweet tea tightly in her hands. She had been taken there after almost passing out in class. After intensive questioning, the nurse had learned that she had been in a fight with Tom, one of her foster brothers who delighted in tormenting her. As always, she had fought like a wild cat, punching and scratching without any concern for herself. Her tormentor had lost, but this time not badly enough.

When she had turned her back to him to walk away, he had grabbed a mug and smashed it on her head. Jane had almost lost her balance, but her incredible tenacity and strength had come to her aide. She had grabbed the handle of the door and had stood there for a few seconds until she had regained her balance, then turning around slowly she had looked fixedly at her foster brother

‘This is the very last time you will ever touch or hurt me. If you do, you will live to regret it.’

With this, Jane walked out of the room. She knew there were going to be repercussions, but she had reached the point where she no longer cared. All she wanted was for the next twelve months to pass as quickly as possible.  Slowly she walked into her bedroom which she shared with two other foster sisters. Thankfully the room was empty, she could lie down and rest she did not have much to do with either of and the last thing she wanted was for them to know she was hurt

 Unfortunately the next morning the head ache was no better but it was no use saying to the foster mother that she could not go to school; the only way she could stay in bed was if she was running a very high temperature. A lump on the head as big as an egg and a massive headache were no reason to stay home. Jane could still hear the cold harsh voice of her foster mother

‘Serve you right for getting hurt. You should not pick on Tom. All he wanted was some help with his math. You should not have made fun of him because he’s not as good as you. I would have reacted the same way.’

Jane had not bothered to give her side of the story, she would not have been believed. With a resigned sign she turned on her heels and went into her room. The next morning  taking care not to move her head too much she managed to get herself to school but once in class all the strength she had managed to muster finally left her and she collapsed on the floor.

 Sitting up in bed, alone in Sick Bay with the hot refreshing drink clasped tightly in her trembling hands, the tears had come, slowly at first then faster, to the point where she had begun to sob uncontrollably. It was not only the pain that was making her cry but most of all the loneliness. The cold treatment that she received from the people she lived with. Like all other times, she had covered her head with the blanket so as to stifle her sobs with her fist; there was no one who cared, no one to soothe her pain…

 The recollection of the painful episode slowly dissipated and once again Jane was catapulted to the present. With clouded eyes she saw that the can had rolled into the gutter spilling its contents on the pavement, leaving behind a trail of liquid resembling a twisted road with endings which lead nowhere.

Jane stood there unable to take her eyes away as if hypnotised and while she was staring, the main vain of liquid  seemed to grow wider and longer stopping to finally form a deformed round shaped pool with two white bubbles resembling the shapes of eyes. At the same time the twisted little roads had become tentacles like hair which were pulsating, giving the impression that the head of Medusa was coming to life. At the same time Jane jumped back in terror and with a strangled cry. Turning her back she ran towards the bus terrified that the horrible face was following her.  Breathlessly but thankful at the same time  she quickly jumped into the waiting  transport, showed her travel pass and sat behind the driver, today was not the day to sit at the back with the other students; the hallucination had left her unsettled. What did it all mean? Was she losing her mind? Had she suffered brain damage from the knock on her head she had received the previous year?

 As Jane relaxed back in her seat she relived the incident which was still vivid in her mind.  At the same time she tried to convince herself that there was nothing wrong with her, what had happened was only her imagination running out of control because she hated the drink?

But had it only been her imagination? She was sure she had seen a face with two white eyes. Was the vision meant to tell her that she was cursed? Was, this the reason her parents had rejected her at birth? She had read that many animals did in fact reject some of their young ones because there was something wrong with the newborn. But as far as she could see there was nothing wrong with her, except her violent temper when she could see injustice being committed.

As these thoughts kept running through her mind a sigh escaped her lips; she would never know, so she might as well stop worrying. With this resolution she put the incident and painful past events out of her mind and concentrated on the pleasure of getting home. Another half hour and she would be with her new foster family, Mary, Sam and the children, just thinking of them brought a smile to her lips. What a shame that school was on the opposite side from where they lived, it would have been so nice to have been closer to home. 

 As the bus meandered through the streets of the town to drop off passengers, Jane took the time to savour the pleasure of what awaited her at the end of the ride. She loved living with the Collins, the seven children and Edna the cook, Cookie, as she was affectionately known who played at pretending to be angry while chasing Jane and the children away with the wooden spoon from the freshly baked cakes, which were always left unattended. The two other people in the family were Myrtle and John, the elderly couple who helped Mary and Sam look after the entire brood; yes, this time she had been very lucky. But was this luck going to last or was something nasty lurking in the shadows to make her life once again a misery?  Was the hallucination with the Coke can a premonition of things to come?

Until she had come to Wattle Creek, her life had been a progression of one foster home after another. No one knew what to do or how to control a rebellious and uncontrollable child, who screamed, cried and destroyed anything she could lay her hands on. When there was nothing to grab, she tore her clothes and pulled her hair; often self harming herself. Initially the social workers in charge of her case and the foster parents had attempted to find out what it was that turned this child into an uncontrollable maniac, but no matter what they tried, nothing had worked. Eventually her case had been put in the hard basket and the problem had been solved by shunting her from one family to another.

 Had observers been able to read into the child’s mind, they would have heard that while her her temper was raging the words of the social were beating relentlessly like a mournful chant into her brain.

‘Well Jane as you will soon be turning ten and according to regulations it is time that you are told a few things about yourself.

First of all you are not an orphan. You have a family, except that when you were born your parents decided to place you into foster care as they already had five other children. Being on a support pension they justified their decision that the extra mouth to feed would have been too much. Unfortunately for you, when giving you up, your parents placed the condition that you cannot be adopted out.

The social worker had continued in her monotone voice, but Jane had stopped listening, she understood what was being said, everything was clear now. No wonder, when prospective parents had been brought to the house to look at children up for adoption, she had been immediately singled out with a firm ‘cannot be adopted out’

These words had remained branded in Jane’s memory in the same way cattle are branded with burning irons.  Up to that very day she had been convinced that she had not been adopted out because there was something different about her. As the years passed she had became reconciled to the fact that she would always remain an orphan: that was until her tenth birthday.  On this eventful day the quiet and affectionate child suddenly became rebellious for no apparent reason: these episodes became a regular part of her behaviour. From that day it had been a new foster home after another. Once again the inevitable change to a new foster home came after the fight with Nick, but unlike previous times, this time there was an ultimatum. If she did not behave herself her next place was going to be a government run home.

  The last chance for Jane was with a family who already had seven other children, of which she was going to be the eldest.  The family lived in Wattle-creek, a coastal town five hundred kilometres away from where she was now. The dry voice of the official had returned.

 ‘Please go and pack your things Jane, the train leaves in an hour. I hope you realize that this is your last chance to be to be part of a family. Next time you will be placed in a Home.

Mary and Sam have no children of their own, and this is the reason they have become foster parents: they could not love the children more if they were their own. Every child placed under their care has progressed magnificently…………’

 At this point a sigh had escaped the lips of the official.

 ‘Let’s hope that the same will happen to you before you turn sixteen and no longer under the state system. The way you are now, not even your parents would want you. You can consider yourself very lucky that the Collins have agreed to take you on.

 Jane had taken the news silently, she was used to hearing these words every time she moved in with a new family, but this time it did not matter because one fact had seemed to have been forgotten by the social worker; in twelve month time she was going to be sixteen. This meant that very soon she was going to be free; no longer a ward of the state. Finally she would be able to go wherever she wanted, definitely not back to her natural parents who had rejected her. No more, having to listen to social workers, to be told what to do and living with people who did not want her. With a defiant look in her eyes she had turned her back and had walked out of the room to pack her few belongings.

  The train journey from Rose Town to Wattle Creek had been long and tedious, stopping at every station and the time Jane got off at her destination she was exhausted from boredom and stiff from sitting down There had been no one to exchange a few words. Her cheap I.POD had broken down so there was no music. To make matters worse she was ravenous. The little money she had been given had only been enough to buy a pie and an apple, hardly enough to fill a growing teenager for the duration of the long journey.

To take her mind away from her hunger and the uncertainty of the future, Jane had concentrated on the other passengers, trying to work out what type of people they were. She actually enjoyed the game as not only did it make the time pass, but she knew that when people realized they were being watched, most of them started fidgeting in their seats and showing signs of being uncomfortable, she could almost hear their thoughts. ‘Why am I being stared at? Is there something wrong with me? Ha, young people, always up to no good. Wonder where she is going all by herself? The ones who would try and hold her gaze soon gave up looking somewhat embarrassed: Jane was very good at this game. Many times people had even moved seats. But no such thing this time, the train was packed.

 As Jane stood on the platform at Wattle-creek, she looked around to see if anyone had come to meet her, she felt a bit apprehensive, it was late afternoon and she did not have the address. Had they forgotten that she was coming? Was there really a family called Mr and Mrs Collins or had she been put on a train with no money so as to get rid of her once and for all?

She looked at the few remaining people but they were all ingrossed with their luggage and very soon left, leaving her alone. With a nervousness she had never felt before, she wondered what to do next, even the station master had left as her train had been the last one for the day.

 As Jane lowered her hand to pick up her small suitcase she felt a heavy hand on her shoulder. She literally jumped with fright but at the same time her fist was already clenched tightly to swing a punch to whoever had touched her. A friendly and deep laugh with lightening speed caught her wrist

‘Now, now Jane, this is not the way to meet your new father. Sorry I was late but had to stop at the pharmacy before it closed. Had to pick up some new baby’s formula; with three of them we need more than the average family.

Without waiting for a reply he picked up suitcase and backpack and walked briskly out of the station without turning to see if Jane was following.

 Jane was left speechless.  Even her angry retort had evaporated into nothingness: this Mr Collins was the strangest man she had ever met. His tone had been casual but friendly at the same time. When she had looked into his eyes all she had seen was kindness. His words had been as soft as a caress, while at the same time very firm. Looking at him from behind he appeared as large as a mountain; tall and wide, big enough to probably intimidate even a wrestler. Jane practically had to run to keep up with his long strides…

When they finally reached the car another surprise awaited her. Instead of opening the driver’ seat, he first opened the front passenger door holding it for her to get in. Jane looked in disbelief: no one had ever done such a thing for her before.

Still without saying a word he made sure she was belted in safely, packed her luggage in the back seat and finally settled himself at the steering wheel switching on the engine that came to life like a purring kitten.

‘I don’t think the car would dare give him any trouble’

Jane thought to herself.  Without a backward glance, as if instinctively she was   leaving her old life behind, she settled down curious to meet the rest of the family.

 It was not until they had hit the main road that Sam Collins spoke again.

 ‘Everyone at home is looking forward to meeting you. The children have never had an older sister before so I hope you will not disappoint them. Mary is very busy with the baby and the toddlers. That means she can’t always give the older ones as much time as she would like. I do what I can but quite often my size gets in the way’

With this he laughed and without realizing it even Jane laughed visualizing this great big man playing hide and seek or bending down to play ball. But she stopped herself short without offering a reply; she wasn’t going to fall once again into the trap of liking someone so that she could be hurt again. 

She turned her head concentrating on the scenery which was one of the most beautiful she had ever seen.

The picturesque town was situated in a deep valley surrounded by undulating green hills overlooking the ocean. Majestic trees were everywhere and all the houses had enormous gardens that spread out amongst the hills looking down on the town centre with its old but beautifully maintained buildings, churches and gardens. All the streets were lined with wattle trees. A wide river ran through the town giving the whole place the feeling of a painting; whoever had named the town had got it right.

Jane wondered in which part of the town the Collins had their home but to her surprise Sam left the main road and began driving up one of the hills.

As if reading her thoughts, he stopped the car at a parking bay and said softly.

‘Go out and look at the bay and your new home, this is the best time of the day to see it and if you look carefully you will see your new family waiting for you at the front door’

As if in a daze, Jane did as she was told. She looked towards where Sam was pointing at and could just make out a large white house on top of the next hill with expansive green lawns. The way it was placed it would have had the most magnificent view of the ocean while the back was surrounded by hills which were cultivated by a very large vineyard

Jane had to catch her breath and call on all her strength to keep the exclamation of surprise and joy that was about to escape from her lips.

Until today she had lived in ordinary houses and often under cramped conditions and always in suburbs. This had to be a dream or a mistake.

‘I have been sent to the wrong place and family. Tomorrow there will be a phone call to say there has been a mistake’. With tears stinging her eyes she got into the car and closed the door: she was not even going to unpack.

Instead of starting the motor, Sam placed his big hands on the steering wheel and while looking at his home in the distance he said in a serious tone.

‘If you wish you can call me dad like the children do but if you prefer you Sam will be just fine, which is short for Samuel and my wife Mary. We discussed this matter when we were asked if we could take you in. Both Mary and I felt that as you were so much older than the other children you should choose. Now let’s go home I will surely get it, for taking so long’

These last words gave Jane back some reassurance that perhaps the last part of her life as an abandoned child was not going to be so bad after all.

‘This is where you get off young lady!

Jane was jolted back to reality. Thank goodness the bus driver knew where all his passengers got off. She thanked him, grabbed her school bag and ran out’ she still had another ten minutes walk up the hill but she didn’t mind this, she actually enjoyed it as it made her homecoming more joyful.

Like that first day Mary and the seven children always waited for her at the front door to welcome her home. That first day, which had happened only eight month ago, was going to remain with Jane for the rest of her life. As she walked up the hill towards the big white house she relived her arrival into her new foster family.

 Sam had stopped the car at the front door of the white brick hacienda style home with its arched verandas. Beautiful climbing red and white roses grew around them giving the entrance a feeling of entering a rose palace…

At the front door stood a smiling woman who Jane guessed was Sam’s wife Mary. She looked in her late thirties and was nowhere near as tall as her husband.  A mass of black curly hair framed a sweet and serene face. In her arms she was holding a child of about ten month. Alongside of her Jane counted six other children. As she looked at them she immediately noticed that each child had some form of disability. What she had thought to have been three strollers were actually wheelchairs but the joyful expression of the children sitting in them waiving their hands, made their shortcomings disappear. Behind them were three other people, two women and a man.

As she approached, the oldest child which she guessed to be about seven wheeled his chair towards her and handed her a bunch of red roses with a pink ribbon.

‘These are for you… Welcome to our family Jane’

Slowly all the other children came slowly forward with timid smiles on their little faces and their arms outstretched, as they gathered around her. Without realizing she was even doing it, Jane knelt down and tried to hug them all at once. Never in her life had she been made so welcome and shown love. Each time she had arrived at a new foster home she had been met at the door by her new foster mother the rules of the house even before she had stepped into the front door. After showing her to the shared bedroom she walked away to continue her endless chores:  never a smile or a genuine word of welcome from her or anyone else in the family; not until today.

 When Jane finally stood up she looked up towards Sam and Mary, she wanted to put her arms around them both,  but all she could do was look at them; with tears streaming down her face and mumble,

‘Thank you for taking me’

  As Jane approached the house she noticed a red car in front of the house. She did not recognize it as belonging to any of their friends which meant that someone she did not know was visiting. A sudden thought made her freeze on the spot. Was someone interested in one of the younger children? Even if they had a disability someone might have come to look at them? Jane ran the last one hundred metres to the front door. Thank goodness, all the children were there waiting for her

‘Ha good, they are not being looked over’ she thought with a sigh of relief.

Cathy, the six year old grabbed her hand pulling her inside the house saying

‘Jane, we have another little sister, we have another little sister but…’

 Not listening to Cathy, Jane rushed through the front door. The moment she did so she heard the cry of a new born baby coming from the back of the house.

Jane and the children moved towards the back of the house where the kitchen and the family room were and immediately saw what could only have been a social worker with a sower looking face talking to Mary, Sam, John and Myrtle: Jane only caught the last words

‘… We just did not know where to place her until a suitable accommodation can be found.’

 Since arriving at Wattle Creek Jane had not lost her temper once but the cold words voiced by the official made her see red. In a flash she remembered the spilled can of Coke and instantly she understood the significance.  The hideous face of Medusa represented the people who dealt with unwanted children. To the social workers these children were nothing more than a name with a number next to it. Someone who needed to be placed somewhere and forgotten, so they could get on with the next case.  The emotional needs of the children were not taken into account. Here, in her haven she had been brought face to face with what represented the worst period in her young life.

  Jane was about to lash out but before she could say anything, Sam was at her side. His big arm encircled her shoulders in a tight but gentle grip, he did not utter a single word but his touch calmed her. Gently guiding her towards the baby capsule which held the crying infant, Jane saw a new born whose tiny face showed so much pain.

Without knowing why, she knelt down and placed her hand on the baby’s forehead caressing her gently. Instantly the infant stopped screaming, turning her head towards Jane. In doing so she opened her eyes, but in their place there were no eyes as Jane knew, all there were, were two milky white pupils deep into the eye sockets.

Jane felt all the adults staring at her as if expecting a reaction but none came. Slowly she undid the safety strap, lifted her from the capsule and cradling her tenderly in her arms. As if by magic the child stopped crying and nestled even closer to Jane. The social worker gasped in surprise.

‘Well I never? This baby has been crying since she was found. If I hadn’t seen it myself I would not have believed it.’

Without taking her eyes from the baby, Jane asked in a voice almost as if speaking to herself.

‘How old is she? Where does she come from?’

  ‘She was found in a rubbish dumpster twelve days ago by a council worker. One of the men always on the lookout for anything of value was looking at the bins when he heard a strange muffled cry. ‘She was only a few hours old and still had the umbilical cord attached to her and the mucus in her mouth.  At the hospital the doctors were amazed how she had not choked or bled to death. We believe she was dumped because of her eyes.

When I picked her up this morning I was told that since she was taken to the hospital she has not stopped crying; that is until now. And thank you for taking her in at such short notice.’ The social worker concluded in her dry official voice.

 At this point, Mary picked up the narration

‘This morning at nine fifteen we were notified that there was a baby in need of care. Apparently the first three places she was taken had refused to keep her because of her constant crying, and you know us, always ready to take on challenging cases’ concluded Mary with a tender smile which told Jane everything she wanted to hear.

 Turning towards the official with a firm and cold tone to her voice Jane calmly said, ‘You can leave us now, you are no longer required. This baby is home with her family.

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